This Is How I Disappear
by Ruby Venom
Summary: basically Frerard ... If you read you'll see      rated T for language and self hurt    please review!


**A/N: OK so this is my first Frerard fic … well it isn't exactly a Frerard fic since, well you'll see why :D And it isn't really a happy fic either … I have no idea if it's going to be any good. All I know is that this is a one-shot and I'd really like some reviews to tell me if you like it … So please review and tell me if this little story is crap! Thanx … now hurry up and read :D Oh and one clarification … this is ALL Frank's point of view :P**

_Have you heard the news that you're dead? No one ever had much nice to say. I think they never liked you anyway. Oh take me from the hospital bed._ Gee was singing his part on Dead! just like every other concert, and I was staring at him like I always do. I was waiting anxiously for this song to end and the next one to start. To tell you the truth I was waiting for Famous Last Words. It's the last song so me and Gerard always threw in a little Frerard for our fans, but to me it's always been a little bit more. I know that we're both married men but I can't help that I'm attracted to Gee.

_Wouldn't it be grand to take a pistol by the hand? And wouldn't it be great if we were dead? _Just after Gerard sang those words I heard a loud noise over the commotion of the crowd … it sounded just like a gunshot. As soon as I heard the sound I saw a bright light coming from the side of the stage. It took me a moment to understand what was happening but, as soon as I realized I was too late. Gerard fell to his knees and covered his heart with his hands. The fans thought he was being dramatic so their cheers got louder. The rest of the guys didn't realize that anything was wrong until Gee gasped and I started screaming at the top of my lungs.

I ran to where Gee was kneeling on the floor of the stage. I laid him in my lap and looked to the side of the stage. The man who had shot Gee was turned around but I quickly realized who he was. It was Bert McCracken, the lead singer from The Used. He was one of Gerard's closest friends! Why would he do this?

My thoughts were interrupted when the rest of the guys rushed over to were I was sitting with Gee. He had let go of his chest and I could see the blood rushing from his wound. I ripped my shirt off and started to apply pressure to the gun shot wound. I could feel tears running down my face … and I started yelling. "You better not fucking die on me Gee … I fucking love you!" The fans in front of the stage heard me yelling and started getting their cell phones out. Ray ripped his out of his pocket and called 911.

Gerard was getting weaker and I could tell that he was barely conscious. I leaned down and kissed his head. "I love you I love you so fucking much." I mumbled this into his forehead several times until a couple people rushed over from an ambulance that had pulled up only moments ago. They strapped him onto a gurney and put him into the back of the ambulance. I tried to climb in after him but they said that only family could come with him. Mikey ran over and yelled that he was Gee's brother and they let him in. He promised that he would call me if anything happened and then he told me to follow after them in the tour bus.

I was starting to feel numb, like there was no emotion at all in my body. _Please, God let Gerard pull through. I can't live without him! _ I climbed into our tour bus and started to drive. The drive was silent. The only thing I could hear was Bob crying alongside Ray. The only reason I wasn't balling my eyes out was because the numbness had kicked in.

After a few minutes of speeding in our big clunky bus we reached the hospital. The numbness surrounding me was starting to disappear and I started to cry again. I ran in the hospital doors and the second I got to the front desk I got weird looks from everyone around me. I didn't care though. The only thing I was thinking about was how much I wanted to see Gerard again. The nurse sitting behind the desk stared at me for a second until I practically yelled, "I need to see Gerard Way … right now please." The lady behind the desk stared at me for a moment longer and before she could even look down at her computer she responded by saying, "Mr. Way is in emergency and no one can see him right now." That didn't really make me happy but instead of getting mad at the nurse I mumbled, "Thanks" and I went to sit next to Mikey in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs.

He looked over at me and said simply, "I called Lyn-z a minute ago and she said she'd be here soon … and umm you may want to umm go to the bathroom." I didn't really get what he was talking about until I reached up to mess with my hair. (I've always done that when I'm nervous) When my hand came down I saw that it was covered in a red, sticky, liquid. "Oh Shit!" I yelled and ran off to the bathroom.

As soon as I walked in I looked in the mirror and saw that my shirt was blood-stained, and so was most of my face and hair. "Crap, crap, crap …" I kept murmuring over and over again. I could handle blood – I'd seen it enough but knowing that it was Gee's blood … I couldn't handle that. I got most of the blood out of my shirt and then started working on my hair. As soon as I got all of my best friend's blood off of me I collapsed in the corner of the bathroom. I don't know how long I sat in that corner, but all I could think was _We're going to make it, Gee will be fine. We're going to make it Gee will be fine. _

After what felt like hours I got up out of my corner and out of the bathroom. I wanted to know what was going on with Gerard and I wanted to know right fucking now. I walked into the waiting room and saw that Mikey was gone. I turned to Ray and practically yelled, "What's happening?"

"Umm .. we don't really know … the doctor came over and said that he needed to talk to Mikey but he hasn't come back yet." Right after the words left Ray's mouth I heard yelling and screaming coming from the hall. "NO HE CANT BE FUCKING DEAD! HE'S MY FUCKING BROTHER!" As soon as the yelling stopped I heard a loud thump.

As soon as I heard the words I knew it was Mikey and I ran as fast as I could to where I had heard him. This couldn't be good … what he had said couldn't be true it just couldn't. I found him quickly and he was slumped in front of a limp figure laying on a hospital bed. I walked over to the bed and looked closely at who was on the bed. I let out a pained gasp as soon as I realized who it was.

It was Gerard. It looked as if he was sleeping but I knew the truth. I looked down at his still face. His skin was far paler than it normally was and his black hair was laying around his face. His eyes were closed and I knew that they would never open again. They wouldn't get to see the world and I would never get to see my friend again.

I ran as fast as I could past the doctor and the nurse, even Ray and Bob. I ignored everyone even the people closest to me. I just kept running I didn't know where I was or where I was going … I just knew that I was running.

After what felt like a lifetime of running I collapsed in the middle of a graveyard. I couldn't carry on with this life … not without Gee. I stripped off my Black Parade jacket so that I was wearing only a T-shirt. I looked around and saw a broken glass vase lying on the ground just in front of me. I grabbed up a small sliver of the glass and held it to my wrist.

I ran the shard gently over both of my wrists and yelled at the top of my longs, "I LOVE YOU GEE ALWAYS AND FOREVER!" Then I started to sing.

_Can you hear me cry out to you?__  
__Words I thought I'd choke on, figure out__  
__I'm really not so with you anymore I'm just a ghost__  
__So I can't hurt you anymore, so I can't hurt you anymore!_

_And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink?__  
__Let me go, fuck!_

_So you can__  
__Well now, so you can__  
__I'm so far away from you__  
__Well now, so you can_

_And without you is how I disappear__  
__And without you is how I disappear__  
__Whoa whoa__  
__(And without you is how I disappear)__  
__Whoa whoa__  
__(And without you is how)__  
__Forever__  
__(Is how)__  
__Forever now!__  
__(Is how)__  
_

"I'll love you forever Gee!" I yelled at the sky just before I felt myself slipping away.

**The End! :D**


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